It's Thursday so that means time for a taste of some awesome writing. A group of writers allow you to sample a short excerpt of their wonderful writing. It may be from a completed work or WIP. So please show some love by following the link, reading and leaving a comment. This week my taster is from a WIP with a working title Pool Games. Enjoy
Thursday Tasters
Blurb:
Pool Games is all about the life and loves of Melissa Wheeler, with many twists along the way. In this excerpt Melissa has just arrived home from a finishing school in Europe.
"I'm home!" Melissa's cheery voice, rang through the long hallway as she rushed into the house she loved so much, with white high heels clattering on the polished floor. She dropped her bag and looked to see who was around. Trixie, her little cocker spaniel, skidded up to her and jumped up, yapping excitedly.
Melissa stood about 5‘8 inches tall with a very slender build and fair skin. She took after her mother with sparkling blue eyes and blond hair that she wore long; the locks tumbled over her shoulders. She turned many a man’s head but did not have any desire for a long term relationship at present, although her father secretly hoped she would get together with the son of a local businessman.
The chauffeur followed Melissa indoors; he walked slower, struggling to carry her suitcases. He sighed, wondering why women had to take so many bags time they went away. Not that he ever complained out loud, but as he got older they seemed to get heavier.
Seeing the struggle he was having Mrs Wheeler took pity and said,“Just put them down there Robert,” indicating to the foot of the staircase. “Thank you for collecting Melissa.” Then turning to her daughter she hugged Melissa. “Your Dad and I have missed you honey, and Fiona has been calling daily to find out if you were home yet.” She stood back and gave her the once over. “Melissa we’ll have to fatten you up a bit, you’ve lost weight.”
“Oh Mom, you always say that,” Melissa laughed giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m going up to have a shower and change. It has been a very long journey. And I’ll phone Fiona to put her out of her misery.” She gave a little laugh. “She’ll probably be round later. Can she stay for dinner?”
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You have created good pictures of the characters, Melissa as a spirited, carefree daughter, the burdened chauffeur Robert as a servant, and a perfectly typical mother doting over her daughter. I'm interest in the development of interaction between Melissa and Fiona. You have me hooked.
ReplyDeleteParents! Always well intentioned but tending to mess up good times. LOL! Terrific characters! Bring on the loves!
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed the dialogue- realistic.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great foundation for a broadening story. Is Fiona the protagonist or hero? The characters descriptions were tight and articulate with believable dialogue. Fiona is the key in this developing story. Well done!
ReplyDeletenice taste will be interested to see where this goes and what mischief Melissa gets into.... hugs T
ReplyDeleteThis bit just ooozes fabulousness. So lush and opulent in such a short couple of paragraphs. A definite picture!
ReplyDeleteSo is Melissa destined for lots of champagne on yachts, Naomi? You've certainly set her up as quite the classy and privileged young protagonist...
ReplyDelete