Thursday 23 January 2014

Thursday Tasters - 23 January: Pool Games


It's Thursday so that means time for a taste of some awesome writing. A group of writers allow you to sample a short excerpt of their wonderful writing. It may be from a completed work or WIP. So please show some love by following the link, reading and leaving a comment. This week my taster is from a WIP with a working title Pool Games. Enjoy
Thursday Tasters


Blurb:
Pool Games is all about the life and loves of Melissa Wheeler, with many twists along the way. In this excerpt Melissa has just arrived home from a finishing school in Europe.

‭"‬I'm home‭!" ‬Melissa's cheery voice,‭ ‬rang through the long hallway as she rushed into the house she loved so much,‭ ‬with white high heels clattering on the polished floor.‭ ‬She dropped her bag and looked to see who was around.‭ ‬Trixie,‭ ‬her little cocker spaniel,‭ ‬skidded up to her and jumped up,‭ ‬yapping excitedly.

Melissa stood about 5‘8 inches tall with a very slender build and fair skin. She took after her mother with sparkling blue eyes and blond hair that she wore long; the locks tumbled over her shoulders. She turned many a man’s head but did not have any desire for a long term relationship at present, although her father secretly hoped she would get together with the son of a local businessman.

The chauffeur followed Melissa indoors;‭ ‬he walked slower,‭ ‬struggling to carry her suitcases.‭ ‬He sighed,‭ ‬wondering why women had to take so many bags time they went away.‭ ‬Not that he ever complained out loud,‭ ‬but as he got older they seemed to get heavier.‭ 

‭Seeing the struggle he was having Mrs Wheeler took pity and said,“‬Just put them down there Robert,‭” indicating to the foot of the staircase. “Thank you for collecting Melissa.” Then turning to her daughter ‬she hugged Melissa.‭ “‬Your Dad and I have missed you honey,‭ ‬and Fiona has been calling daily to find out if you were home yet.”‭ ‬She stood back and gave her the once over.‭ “‬Melissa we’ll have to fatten you up a bit,‭ ‬you’ve lost weight.‭”

“Oh Mom,‭ ‬you always say that,‭” ‬Melissa laughed giving her a quick peck on the cheek.‭ “‬I’m going up to have a shower and change.‭ ‬It has been a very long journey.‭ ‬And I’ll phone Fiona to put her out of her misery.‭” ‬She gave a little laugh.‭ “‬She’ll probably be round later.‭ Can she stay for‬ dinner?‭”
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7 comments:

  1. You have created good pictures of the characters, Melissa as a spirited, carefree daughter, the burdened chauffeur Robert as a servant, and a perfectly typical mother doting over her daughter. I'm interest in the development of interaction between Melissa and Fiona. You have me hooked.

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  2. Parents! Always well intentioned but tending to mess up good times. LOL! Terrific characters! Bring on the loves!

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  3. Really enjoyed the dialogue- realistic.

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  4. This is a great foundation for a broadening story. Is Fiona the protagonist or hero? The characters descriptions were tight and articulate with believable dialogue. Fiona is the key in this developing story. Well done!

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  5. nice taste will be interested to see where this goes and what mischief Melissa gets into.... hugs T

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  6. This bit just ooozes fabulousness. So lush and opulent in such a short couple of paragraphs. A definite picture!

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  7. So is Melissa destined for lots of champagne on yachts, Naomi? You've certainly set her up as quite the classy and privileged young protagonist...

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I long to know what you think. So please leave me a comment